Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
