My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
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Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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