I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I accidentally had phone sex last night
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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