He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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