so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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