mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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