Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I need water and some morals
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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