i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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