im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Randomize
