I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Who died my cat blue again?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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