It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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