i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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