How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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