Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
