Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Farmville is her only friend.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
