i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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