Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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