You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
