Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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