Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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