but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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