Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
