Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
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Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
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Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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