I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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