No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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