By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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