either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
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