even my farts smell like vagina
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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