Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
