I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
