4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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