Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Randomize
