So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
