The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I have post one night stand depression
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
