So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
