well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i barfeds in our rink
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
that's an acceptable place to lick
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
