yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
