No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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