we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Randomize
