Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
