I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
