im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Randomize
