Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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