this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
