just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
