this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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