i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
My breasts were aching with rage.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
