I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
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i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
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My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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