turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
