I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
