I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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