You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
