Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
