Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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