Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
