Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
