I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
