why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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