we have pet lesbian snakes
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
