DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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