we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
