If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
