And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
