i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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