my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
We need to rekindle our bromance
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
