kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
