Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
