Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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