She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
