she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
