You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
