I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
