we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Ketchup is God's man juice
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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